If you head over to Relevant Magazine’s website, you will almost immediately find a blog written by a well-meaning woman asking “Where have all of the good men gone?” The writer will spill her heart out, identifying the flaws of men and asking why she and her friends cannot find a good Christian husband. As a purveyor of the truth, I’m here to say The jacked, testosterone filled man of your dreams is standing right next to you asking the same question about women. The truth of the matter is this, which gender has changed more since the “golden era of families” in the early 1900s? The obvious answer is that it’s not “good men” who have disappeared – but “good women” have. This blog is going to delve into a lot of truth, but know that it is written in love, and my goal is to help and inspire you. Let’s begin.
Radical Feminism is now the standard: A brief study of history reveals to us that it is women, not men, that have changed most in America. If you were a child in the 1960’s, your upbringing would be radically different than it is today. Your mother would have likely been a stay at home mom that poured herself out in the pursuit of raising a quality family. She would’ve sacrificed fun and pleasure to ensure that her children and husband felt loved, valued, and got the best she had to offer. Your father was expected to be the protector and provider of the family, and the strong bedrock that the mother leaned on. Honor demanded it.
The origins of feminism were noble and just, and was successful in achieving gender equality for women. But that wasn’t good enough. Women had to attain more – the roles of women had to be redefined. Second wave feminism began in the 1960s, and this is the movement responsible for destroying femininity in America. Traditional sexuality, family, marriage, and “reproductive rights” were turned on their heads.
No longer was it acceptable for a woman to desire a husband, children, and harmony in the home. A woman had to go out and embrace her “sexuality”, flaunt what she had, and test the waters with multiple men to find out who she was. The noble pursuit of raising a family was tossed aside for personal pleasure and freedom. No longer was the man to be the head of the house, the man’s role would be to serve the wife. It was a lie from the depths of hell, and women bought into it wholesale. It has gotten so bad that it has become socially acceptable for women to murder a baby.
The rise of social media: This point is a subset of radical feminism, but deserves its’ own bullet point. Social media is a tool, and it can be both good and bad. But for the sake of this article, I’m going to examine how social media is killing women. Women have an innate desire to be wanted, desired, and pursued. It is a concept that theologians credit to Eve. With the rise of second, and especially third wave feminism, American culture now encourages women to flaunt their bodies as a means of quenching their desire to be wanted. By posting a picture of her legs or butt, she can arouse the desires of hundreds of men instantaneously, and they will let her know it by liking her picture, commenting, and sliding into her DMs.
Having found a temporary and unfulfilling solution for her desire to feel wanted, the average girl continues posting pictures every time she wants a shot of dopamine. It is a vicious cycle. It also leaves women turning to superficial means, rather than relationships, to find fulfillment in that area. Women simply don’t want relationships and families like they used to.
New relationship expectations: Most don’t know this, but there is a testosterone crisis in American men. A large multi-generational study recently found that testosterone levels in men have dropped by nearly 20% over the past 20 years. This isn’t just men getting older, this study compared modern teenagers to past teenagers, modern 20 year olds to past 20 year olds, etc. Across the board testosterone is plummeting.
The most shocking find of the study was that American doctors, due to this crisis, have adjusted what they consider “Normal testosterone levels” to the new lower levels found today. For those that do not know about the power of testosterone, it is what quintessentially makes men act like men. It gives us a deeper voice, facial hair, sex drive, energy, muscles, stronger bones, and a masculine jaw line. Testosterone is vital in men acting like men.
Coincide lower testosterone with the changing expectations of women due to feminism, and we have the “millennial relationship”; a relationship in which gender lines are blurred, the woman makes all of the decisions, and the man is a “chill dude”, afraid to put his foot down or make decisions in the relationship. The man is basically there to keep the girl from getting lonely, and is expendable.
The pervasive myth of the “strong independent woman”: How anybody ever actually met a strong independent woman? I haven’t. I’ve met a ton of deeply insecure women with an identity crisis that self-identify as strong and independent, because that’s the cool thing these days. Watch a movie released in the past few years, and you will almost always find a strong female lead that kicks butt and has all the guys chasing after her. The problem is that this isn’t real life. Women, due to their biological make up, don’t win fights against men. It’s a fact (see testosterone). There are a few very rare exceptions in which the top .01% of women can win a fight against the bottom .01% of men, but this is a statistical outlier.
Nevertheless, society insists on celebrating the “strong independent woman” myth. Women want to be it, and many men are taught to want to be with them. The problem is that women weren’t created to be strong and independent – at least not as modern society defines it. Women were created to be strong in their femininity, and to value marriage and family. The strong and independent woman myth directly contradicts physiological realities.
Don’t believe me? Go find a 5-year-old little girl, untarnished by modern society. Guess what she is doing? She has a Barbie doll, and she is playing “house” with Ken. She dreams of being the princess that is rescued by her prince. It is only after a decade of social conditioning (brainwashing) via television, music, and movies, that she renounces these ideals.
Finally, no woman can ever attain being “strong and independent”. They might view themselves as this way, but it’s not reality. Strong independent women are easily the most insecure group of people (and they’re usually the ones in Christian counseling). Who can blame them? Their conscious thoughts are at war with their subconscious DNA – God’s will for their lives.
So, what is the answer for all of this? Well, for the Christian ladies out there, embrace God’s truth, and renounce the lies of pop culture. I assure you that God is a loving father, and He has a plan for you, and it’s a GOOD plan! If you fall into the aforementioned category of a girl who chased the world, embraced modern feministic ideals, and/or embraced promiscuity, welcome God’s healing into your heart. You need to know that this healing might take a long time, but also know that at the end of that road is a FAR better you – one that can find true happiness, joy, and a long-lasting marriage.
Maybe you’re a Christian girl who has walked the straight and narrow, but you need to tweak a few things. Great! There is a lot to be said for a woman who has walked in the ways of truth despite the rampant temptations of modern culture. Ask yourself “What kind of man am I attracted to?” If the answer is a man that is well rounded, responsible, and has traditional family values, great! You’re almost there.
My experience is that many girls go for the wrong kind of man. There are two primary culprits here: 1) “The Loser” – this guy isn’t actually a loser, he just pretends to be. He is the master of manipulation. He makes the girl feel great about herself, builds emotional intimacy, and then preys on her empathy to make her feel bad for him. This man always plays the “victim card”. 2) “The Winner” – this guy, unlike the Loser, has a winning mentality, but is just as manipulative. This guy has a good job, a nice car, money, and good looks. He will do anything to win. Women are dispensable to him, and he views seducing them as a game. His soul is dark.
My advice is to find a man with a heart of gold. This does not mean that he is a “super nice guy”, but he is a man that leads and boldly stands for what is right. Men are given a toolbox by God to navigate life with. We are presented with unique challenges that you won’t have to face. Sometimes we have to be edgy, raw, and even a bit violent to stand for what is right and protect our families. His heart determines whether he uses that for good or bad. Look for that in your man.
For the men reading, embrace your masculinity. Don’t bend yourself to the whims of culture and women. God has called you to be fierce like a lion, yet compassionate to those that deserve it. Get off the couch and get in shape. Be bold. Be assertive. Tell people the truth, even if it hurts, in a loving spirit. Learn how to protect yourself and those around you. Stand firm against evil. BE A MAN. Look for feminine women. Masculinity attracts femininity. Look at the heart of the women you date, because her heart means everything.